LOST

I remember walking hungry, dirty and miserable with my four sisters; Danielle, Ashley and Rachel. Our parents had abandoned us and left us with the debts to others we had to pay back. I was much younger before but I understand fully what kind of situation we're in. It happens after a couple of weeks after our father had walked out on us leaving my mother to take care of us three girls and an infant, they'd always argue about the same thing and more. She'd accuse him of cheating, flirting with other women and hidden money about his gambling. My mother couldn't handle the pressure so she took off in the court yard of W. field Mall around five in the afternoon under the hood of McDonalds. I remember she was fidgeting in her seat, wondering her eyes and kept looking at the time; Nervous. Like baby chick ready to fly. It was funny to watch her squirm for a hidden reason she was too ashamed to tell us otherwise. So here we are in out parent shame and no good dirty deed, sullied by the absence. Right now we're walking across the bridge to metro bus stop and Danielle and Racheal arguing about what we needed and how to get it.

"We need diapers cause Ashley starting to stank!," Racheal exclaimed

"NO," Danielle retaliated. "We need food first, a place to sleep and a shower."

"Clean clothes too"

"But where?."

"How would I know!" Racheal said back.

"I didn't ask you," Danielle sneered.

We reached our destination; Racheal was still huffing and puffing like the big bad wolf of three little pigs story my grandmother used to read to me. I hate to wonder back to past as flashbacks.

The bus arrived, I was carrying Ashley, her head was hanging limply on my shoulders, I knew she was in deep sleep. I got on and stand were I was to wait for my sisters to pay since they weren't gonna past as  seven and under. The bus started and all of us were lined right next to one another.

"We are we going?" I asked.

"Don't worry about it." Danielle said back.

I didn't press her any further, If I did she yell at me. I wasted my time by looking out the window side ways to figure out by myself where we were going. I recognize the K-mart and the playground. Figures. We were going to Aunt Wanda's house. She isn't really our Aunt but we called her that cause my mother and her very close friends for a very long time. Time to time she would take us on the weekends and we spend over as the older kids made she we don't start any trouble. Keyshawn is her daughter and she is the best of friends with Danielle and Racheal as if they were really share the same blood and mother. Weird. As we arrived, Aunt Wanda was open arms and tears. I guess she already knew what went down.

"Come in. come in, make yall shelves at home and ask for any thing," She says, as we walked in. " I have nice hot boiled clams and fresh bbq ribs ready for you guys in a plate set out, so go head and eat."

I wonder how long we're going to be staying here and if my mom went berserks and killed herself. These aren't the thoughts of youthful ten year should have.

We ate until we full, I never had clams before until now and throw the plastic plates out.

Danielle told us to take a shower together. Meaning Ashley and I had to bath together while the adults discuss my mother's disappearance. It would probably be best if I didn't think about it and it wasn't true and our mother love us to the back pain's of her bones. It Just didn't seem  right in any bodies eyes including mine. I just miss her and hope for her safe return. Hope for a sweet dream like sugar in tea.

Next morning, I watched as Danielle, Racheal and Aunt Wanda crying together. Like something mortifying had cause their pain and ache. I walked towards them with a questionable look, Danielle was the first to notice me, she reached her hands towards me and embraces me in a hug.

"Mommy gone." She said sadly. In two words my heart dropped. No more bed time stories or pineapple upside down cake she was proud of or taking me on rides to school. No more of any thing. I felt deserted, she let me down. She is selfish. It turned out my mother was murdered by the very man who gave me life. My Father. They went out to recapped things and hopefully be a happy family again as his tensions but mom wanted a divorce and rid of my father. He got furious to the point he couldn't control his angry and killed her by strangling the life out of her. I overheard my sisters and aunt say as they discuss the matter.

"That Son of a..." Racheal yelled. But was cut off by Danielle.

"Quiet, do you want Amber and Ashley to hear?" She whispered. I read off her lips as I hid behind the door.  My heart wrench with each and every p****ing word. I felt like one of those people on the news who share their lost on the news as their love one was token away. The day went on and on like this esept the arrival of a investigator, funeral arrangements and some lawyers. This was it, I was never to see my mother again and always have a picture of my father behind bars like a madman whose lost his sanity.

A week later my mother family and friends we're burying their sister, friend, co-worker and more. Every one was crying their eyes out and toke turns making their last vows like a wedding day instead of a funeral. I felt neutral; everything didn't seem real as if any of this never happen. Like Dad never slaughter mom, they were getting along great together and no of this never happen. I didn't weep or shred a single tear as they lower her to her grave.

"Time to go, you guys had a mouthful of misery and need to forget and move on," Aunt Wanda said as we drove down the street our house used to be, which is now vacant, empty and covered with the yellow tape you see used on CSI. This was the last time I seen this house . I'm afraid if I every saw it again my heart would burst and I would sob my eye balls out like I never did on bureal