Beautiful_Insanity
    Lifetime Points: 3050


    Gender: Female
    Location: uhh... I was hoping you could tell me that.
    Relationship: Single
    Orientation: Straight
    Children: Maybe Someday
    Body Type: Slim / Slender
    Religion: Wiccan
    Ethnicity: Undead
    About Me: ummm.....i dont have alot to say about who i am because im still trying to figure that out for my self. what i do know is that god didnt put me on this earth to please any one so dont go judging me thinking im gonna play along with your stupid little immature games. I'm sorta anti-social, thats why I prefer to talk to people on the computer, not in person, but i love talking to new people. I love to write poetry, witch you might have already guessed. for so long now, I've had to wake up every morning, smell the breake up, and realize we arent gonna make up, I just wish some one would come cure this pain. how could one person be so ****ing stupid as to do what i did?
    some one once said this song describes me perfectly, i dont know if i should take that as an insult or not:
    Do you memorize theatrical lines
    That seem to lead them in
    Play the role with a good girl heart
    Hide the tangled webs within
    Who was it that led you on,
    and makes you want to hurt me so?
    Who do you want to forget,
    That forgot you long ago?

    Do you still feel him
    Calling in the air tonight
    Do you still feel it
    Seems like you've done this before

    You make breaking hearts look so easy
    (seems like you've done this before)
    You've got breaking hearts all but down
    (and you've done this, you've done this before)
    You make stealing hearts look so easy
    (where is the girl I adore?)
    You've got breaking up all but down
    (and I can't love a thief anymore)

    Do you collect the souls you've lost
    In the top of your dresser drawer
    Count the number of tears displaced
    On lonely bedroom floors
    A machine where your heart once was
    Slowly takes the place of you
    Only hold the memories now
    Of a love I thought I knew

    Do you still feel him
    Calling in the air tonight
    Do you still feel it
    Seems like you've done this before

    You make breaking hearts look so easy
    (seems like you've done this before)
    You've got breaking hearts all but down
    (and you've done this, you've done this before)
    You make stealing hearts look so easy
    (where is the girl I adore?)
    You've got breaking up all but down
    (and I can't love a thief anymore)

    You make breaking hearts look so easy
    You've got breaking hearts all but down
    You make breaking hearts look so easy
    (seems like you've done this before)
    You've got breaking hearts all but down
    (and you've done this, you've done this before)
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    music layout powered by HOTFreeLayouts.com / MyHotComments
    Music: here are my favorite verses from my favorite songs by my favorite band Anberlin......
    Darklit streets are no place for kids
    But it gives us more of a home than anywhere we've lived.
    We're the scientists left to our own demise.
    You're still our last chance to get out of this place alive.
    Wait for me, will you wait for me with arms wide?


    Can't get your memory, off of my mind.
    Just want your heartbeat, on top of my mine.
    There's something dancing, here in the shadows
    And I wish it were us.


    Do you remember when we were just kids,
    and cardboard boxes took us miles from what we would miss?
    School yard conversations taken to heart,
    and laughter took the place of everything we knew we were not.

    I want to break every clock.
    the hands of time could never move again.
    We could stay in this moment for the rest of our lives.
    Is it over now hey, hey is it over now?
    I want to be your last first kiss
    that you'll ever have.
    I want to be your last first kiss.

    Amazing how life turns out, the way that it does.
    We end up hurting the worst, the only ones we really love.


    So let me get this straight
    say now you loved me all along?
    what made you hesitate
    to tell me with words what you really feel
    i can see it in your eyes you mean all of what you say
    i remember so long ago, see i felt that same way
    now we both have separate lives and lovers (and lovers)
    insignificantly enough we both have significant others


    but thoughts they change and times they rearrange i don't know who you are anymore
    loves come and go and this i know i'm not who you recall anymore
    but i must confess you're so much more then i remember
    can't help but entertain these thoughts
    thoughts of us together.

    If you need a friend,
    don't look to a stranger,
    You know in the end,
    I'll always be there.

    And when you're in doubt,
    and when you're in danger,
    Take a look all around,
    and I'll be there.

    I'm sorry, but I'm just thinking of the right words to say. (I promise)
    I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be. (I promise)
    But if you'll wait around a while, I'll make you fall for me,
    I promise, I promise you I will.

    When your day is through,
    and so is your temper,
    You know what to do,
    I'm gonna always be there.

    Sometimes if I shout,
    it's not what's intended.
    These words just come out,
    with no gripe to bear.
    Movies: Twilight, lost boys, the covenant, any thing with a sexy lead role and vampires. ;)
    TV: i dont watch T.V.
    Books: stephanie meyer, anne rice.....that all
    Likes: writing, hanging with my friends
    Dislikes: preps, fakes, sell-outs, ect...
    being a teenager sucks cuz no one takes me seriously.
    Hobbies: skating, writing,
    Vices: got lots
    Virtues: sum...
    Heroes: the bible says not to idolize any one other then jeasus and god himself.

    I'm sorry.

    Saturday, January 10, 2009, 05:59 AM GMT [General]

     

    I'm sorry, alright?  I am sorry. I don't know how many times I'm going to have to say this but I'm going to get it all off my chest right now.

     

    Braedon: I'm sorry for every time I hurt you, I'm sorry I never realized what a good thing I had until it was gone. I'm sorry I was so selfish and I'm sorry I lied to you. I'm sorry that every time that razor cut deep into my skin i was hurting you without even seeing it. I'm sorry I used you, I'm sorry I didn't realize he was abusing you. I'm sorry your no where to be found. I'm sorry I didn't go to your funeral.

     

    Ibrahim:  I'm sorry I asked you to come, I'm sorry I can't take it all back. And I'm sorry I didn't realize you were drunk. I'm sorry I begged you come and take me from this terrible place, I'm sorry you came, I'm sorry you drank, I'm sorry you drove, I'm sorry your dead.

     

    Ashlynn: I'm sorry I can't be there when you need me most. I'm sorry I didn't visit you in the hospital. I'm sorry I only have a limited time with you, I'm sorry you have cancer. I'm sorry you are so amazing while I'm such a jerk. I'm sorry I don't deserve a friend like you, I'm sorry we got in that stupid fight. I'm sorry you have to put up with me for the rest of you life. I'm sorry but I'm not leaving you.

     

    Amy: I'm sorry I got mad and told the whole world the truth. I'm sorry I didn't go to your trial. I'm sorry he got out so soon, I'm sorry I didn't believe you at first. I'm sorry for being so cruel when your mom walked out and you needed me most. I'm sorry I can't go back and change it all, I'm so terribly sorry I watched and did nothing as you were hurt over and over. I'm sorry I lied and said I wasn't the one who told. I'm sorry you have to watch him smile and laugh as if he did nothing wrong.

     

    Greg: I'm sorry for nothing I did to you; for I know what you did was a million times worse.

     

    I'm sorry to everyone I've hurt, lied to, disrespected, stabbed in the back, and betrayed. I wish I could take it all back. I wish I could take my life back from all this sorrow and regret. I'm sorry I was ever born and I'm sorry I did nothing to change this for so long.

    I'm sorry for everything I've done to you,

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     So so sorry,  ~Dez

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    me

    Thursday, January 1, 2009, 11:39 PM GMT [General]

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    more about me:

    I keep it real and thats a promise, I may  be a bytch, but atleast I'm honest. Wahwn I walk by, you staop and stare, well keep on looking cuase I dont care.       I have my own life and style, I'm not trying to please you or make you smile.    

    I'v made mistakes, actualy probaly more then my fair share. I've corrected the wrongs that can be corrected.

     I wish I was the type of girl who always smiles, even when lifes just too hard, but who am I kidding? I breake down and cry, cut and do alot of irrational things when I'm upset.

    One thing you need to know: You don't have to love me. You dont even have to like me. But you will respect me.

    I am who I am and I say what I want, because those who  mind don't matter those who matter don't mind.

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    more poems

    Thursday, January 1, 2009, 05:49 AM GMT [General]

    I'm on a role today, this is like the 5th one. :)

     

    when im with you
    i feel so great
    theres no one else
    who can carry the weight

    but somehow i feel
    like you dont care
    when i focus and try
    to find something decent to wear

    my heart stops beating
    my eyes fill with tears
    the rain starts leading
    me to my fears

    i wonder if you mean it when you say
    you always make me feel this way
     
    i feel so broken
    i feel so alone
    when you dont pick up
    your telephone

    i feel empty
    i feel so blue
    to believe
    when you said
    i love you

    but i know
    what i said was true
    cause baby i meant it
    when i said
    i love you

     

    again, i didnt have my betta proof read cuase i was to anxious to get it up here.

     

     

    what must i do ?
    what must i say ?
    i want you to feel
    the exact same way

    my heart barely beating
    the time almost gone
    the light is leading
    my soul on

    i wish to be
    in your arms so tight
    i dont want to die
    tonight of all nights

    i want you to be here
    when i cut my wrists
    when i say good bye
    just read the list

    of things i wanted
    you to hear
    but i could never say
    i was afraid u wouldnt feel the same way

    i love you to pieces
    that was always true
    im lying to you now
    im not feeling blue

    as i die
    i want you to know
    your the only one
    i really loved so

     

    keep in mind, these are all rough drafts.

     

     

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    poems...

    Thursday, January 1, 2009, 05:40 AM GMT [General]

    she lies in the dirt
    so full of hurt
    but doesnt move
    her heart makes a single beat

    her cries were no longer heard
    her throat closing up
    with each little gasp she could manage
     
    her eyes filled with tears
    that trickle down her cheek
    making a pool or mud at her chin

    the forest trees hung over the sky
    casting shadows on her now pale face
    her last movement is one of heart break
     
    she whispers the three words he had once said:
    i love you

     

    Note: please excuse all errors, i never sent this to my betta for proof reading. this one is really sucky but it explains alot about me.

    this next one is.....idk, decide for your self.

     

    my hand in urs
    my heart beating fast
    the feeling returns
    bad memories in the past

    lives back to normal
    hearts restored
    nothing about us that is formal
    with out you, i was bored

    i cant help but feel
    i cant help but see
    all of the things
    that we're going to be

    it'll all fall into place
    more then enough room for space
    and finally
    our love has been restored

     

    it realy has feeling.

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    I Love You

    Thursday, January 1, 2009, 05:13 AM GMT [General]

    I love you so deeply,

    I love you so much,

    I love the sound of your voice,

    and the way that we touch.

    I love your warm smile,

    and your kind thoughtful way.

    The joy that you bring to my life every day,

    I love you today,

    as I have from the start,

    and I'll love you forever

    with all of my heart.

    Even though I know my love is never going to be enough for you and you want me to give it all up for you, I honestly do love you, but your not going to get what you want that easy.

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